Don’t let people tell you you’re too young to know your sexuality. If you choose to come out at 12,13,14 and get reactions like “You’re too young to know.” or “It’s just a phase.” do not listen to them. Do not let them erase your sexuality. How come straight people are allowed to know from a young age, but queer people aren’t?
Some people figure out their sexuality when they’re older and some know from kindergarten. Whatever the case may be, your sexuality, and you, are valid.
Age doesn’t matter. Everyone gets to know his/her/their own sexual orientation at a different pace.
The first time I was ever attracted to a boy, I was six.
The first time I was ever attracted to a girl, I was seven.
I didn’t know yet that that was considered different by society as a whole. I was just a little kid. Crushes were crushes. I didn’t think anything of it.
When I was 12 and in middle school, I started picking up on the human sexuality spectrum. I started pondering being attracted to boys and girls—but not too much because it scared me.
For a long time, I was afraid to admit to myself that I’m queer. I think the number one reason is because we’re all conditioned to believe that heterosexuality is the default, and everything else is strange, that every other sexuality is immoral, unnatural, etc. I could swear we are all conditioned that way. I think another reason is internalized queerphobia. So many of us have been conditioned to be queerphobic. It goes hand-in-hand with being conditioned to believe that heterosexuality is the default sexuality.
I grew up in the Catholic Church, and you KNOW how they feel about our community. In high school, I figured out that the CC is wrong. I just wish my parents would have sat me down and told me that when I was little, but they didn’t. I wish they would have said that my uncle and his boyfriend at the time were together, and they loved each other just like my parents loved each other. Little kids honestly do not care if people are queer.
I learned about the human sexuality spectrum through interactions with many different people—and that handy dandy thing called Google. No one is born queerphobic. We’re conditioned to be that way. I blame that conditioning for my hesitancy to accept myself. I far took longer to accept myself than to accept others. For a long time, I was in denial and pretended I’d never been attracted to any girls, only boys.
Thanks for the internalized biphobia, societal and religious conditioning!
I also think anxiety had something to do with it. I thought I had it all figured out. I knew coming to terms with one’s sexual orientation could be a very difficult experience, as could coming out. I was afraid to admit I’m bi because I was afraid of what my experience would be. I was afraid of not having my sexual orientation figured out by the age of 20. It seemed like I shouldn’t still have been questioning it. Like, wasn’t that something you knew about yourself before your sophomore year of college?
I didn’t actually adopt the term bisexual for myself until 2013. The more queer people I interacted with, the more the internalized biphobia disappeared. The more time I spent with them, the more I knew that being queer like them was just as normal as if I were heterosexual.
And once I admitted it to myself, it was liberating. Internalized biphobia was a dam in my head, and being bisexual was a river. Once I broke through that dam, I became a lot happier.
I fully accept myself. The only thing about being bi that stresses me out is the biphobia of others—the biphobia of society as a whole. I’m also still scared that my siblings would not accept me. I haven’t come out to them. I’ve figured that I’ll let them figure it out. My sister probably won’t care, but I honestly don’t know about my brother. So yeah, they can figure it out themselves. I don’t owe anyone a giant declaration.
I’ve come a long way, but I’m still not there yet.