So I thought I was a lesbian for a long while …

So I thought I was a lesbian for a long while now, but I'm starting to think I'm actually bi? Like I do really love girls a lot, but I might also be open to the idea of dating a man (particularly my last boyfriend who I do still love and am best friends with), but then I think back to all my previous relationships with men and only two of them were healthy and enjoyable and I feel like I won't be happy in another relationship with a man. I also very often wonder if I'm bi. Any advice?

Good question! 

In general, one shouldn’t keep one’s past experiences in the way of identifying as something new, but in your case, you say you NOW might feel open to dating a man. That’s all that really matters! 

Maybe there’s a possibility that the unhealthy relationships with men just happened because they were unhealthy, and not the fact that they were men? 

My advice to you is to try to figure out which of your statements feel the strongest “I might also be open to the idea of dating a man” vs. “and I feel like I won’t be happy in another relationship with a man.” It can be hard to identify feelings like these, but with time, I’m sure it’ll all come to you. Try to step out of yourself and see it from a “detached” perspective, and maybe it’ll seem clearer. And remember, the idea of dating a man is very different to being attracted to men. Are you attracted to men? If you can’t give a clear answer, then I suggest just going with the flow and feeling whatever you might feel, or not, and not try to force anything (that will confuse the process!)

Finally, no matter what you end up identifying as, remember your attraction to men, or lack thereof, is 100% valid! 

– Mod Elena 🌻