We gotta look out for each other
The struggle of leaving the closet, coming out and living authentically is one of the biggest challenges anyone LGBTQ can face. Fears of rejection by family and friends, doubts about job security, and the threat of being judged a sinner can nail that door shut for years, even decades…
It’s to be expected that changes in our culture, our state laws, and a remarkable revolution in religious tolerance won’t be universally embraced. But who knew those advances might benefit certain members of our community more than others?
“An ex-girlfriend once exclaimed, ‘I just don’t understand how you can be attracted to men and women,’” says Vickey Allen of Middletown. “Luckily, my response – ‘I don’t understand how you’re only attracted to women’ – clarified it for her.” She was 12 when she first realized that she was bisexual, Allen says. Since then, she says, “I’ve encountered plenty of biphobia” [which] can occur both within and outside the LGBT community” …
“I’ve known I’m bisexual all my life,” says Jamie Fernandez of Greater Hartford. “I came out to friends as bisexual and was quickly called ‘greedy,’ told to ‘pick a side’ or asked if I flipped a coin to decide. For many years, I denied part of myself.” Fernandez, 43, is a bisexual transgender woman in a polyamorous relationship … “I didn’t have issues with me being bisexual; others did,” Fernandez says. “And I internalized that and did the same harmful behaviors others do in dismissing the validity of others’ lives.”
That word – “phase” – is perhaps the most common misconception about bisexuality; that either someone cannot choose between being gay or straight or is temporarily caught in between those orientations … “If it is,” says Caleigh Price, 47, “It’s a reeeaaallllyyyy long one…”
“Everything is a phase. Life is a phase,” says Jen Carpenter… “To invalidate anyone’s sexuality based on a time frame is to invalidate life. Nothing is finite, most importantly life. But is that to say that we are not alive just because one day we will not be?”
Bisexual+, Biromantic+ or otherwise MSpec? Same-gender Loving (SGL)? Queer-identified or Questioning? Live work or play in Connecticut USA? Make sure to join the Bisexual+ Connecticut FB Group & the NYC Tri-State Area Meetup to keep up with all the many things that are going on in your community.
I mean, who didn’t try monosexuality in college? But it’s obviously just a phase.
Q: What do you call a bisexual who’s in a relationship with someone their own gender?
A: Still a bisexual.
Q: What do you call a bisexual who’s in a relationship with someone who’s not their own gender?
A: Still, Still a bisexual.
Image: A four cell cartoon, there are three “Characters” consisting of vaguely Human-shaped Blob Creatures with eyes. To the left there is a slightly larger Blue Creature and a slightly smaller Pink Creature. Facing them to the right is an in-between size Violet Creature. The dialogue is in Italian. And the creator is identified as @Enbee.Arlo
Cell 1: [Blue & Pink Creatures looking at the Violet Creature. The Blue Creature asks] “Are you Blue or Pink?”
Cell 2 [The Violet Creature answers] “I am Violet"
Cell 3: [The Pink Creature asks skeptically] “No, but what are you really?”
Cell 4: [The Violet Creature stares silently at them with a bemused & aggravated expression]
When we come out to ourselves and to others, we’re doing a lot more than announcing sexual preferences or what have you. We are communicating the geometry of our souls as we understand it, giving others the opportunity to see us for who we are in a more complete way…
ANNOUNCEMENT: Says the journalist pictured,
“LOOKING FOR WOMEN 18-35 TO TELL ME ABOUT THE MOMENT THEY KNEW THEY WERE BISEXUAL: How old were you? Why in that moment did you realize? What events lead to this realization? How did you feel afterward? DM me!
Not on twitter? Email her here: Taylor.Andrews@hearst.com
Remember to participate:
Today is IDAHOT: International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia. Let’s keep up the good fight!