Category: internalised biphobia

To all those bi people who struggle with internalised biphobia: you’re still bi. The feelings inside…

To all those bi people who struggle with internalised biphobia: you’re still bi. The feelings inside you telling you that you’re “just straight” or “kidding yourself” are wrong, you are bi and you matter. Battling it is hard and will take time, and I can’t promise that the path will be a gentle walk but the result will be an amazing day when you can confidently strip away your feelings against yourself for being bi and be the person you want to be.

How do you battle internalized biphobia? I’ve been struggling with that A LOT recently. After being told it all my life, I’m starting to believe that it is just a phase and that what I’m feeling isn’t (for lack of a better word) ‘valid’.

I just answered this ask, I think it might help you.

right, ok so, I always feel like i’m lying. I feel like I’m just saying I’m bi for attention or to feel included. I feel like all the times I have found girls cute or pretty I don’t mean it. other times, I feel bad for finding guys attractive because i feel like i need to prove something, i feel like I’m just lying to myself and to the friends who ive told that I’m bi. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. this is really stressing me out and making me confused.

continuation off of my last ask thingy… i just don’t know why i feel like I’m lying to myself. i know i like girls and guys. i know its okay to. what the fuck is wrong with me? sorry, just felt like ranting, I’m just not really sure what is going on with me. this blog has helped me quite a bit, so thank you for posting and stuff lol. th

This is probably internalised biphobia. All of these thoughts are. My hints & tips for dealing with it, is:

1. When you catch yourself thinking one of these things, counteract it with a statement. 

E.g. You think “I’m bi for attention”, counteract it with “Why would I go through all the trouble of coming out, the backlash and biphobia, why would anyone want to deal with this pain for attention I could have gotten from changing my hairstyle or something much much easier?”

You think “I don’t mean it when I think a girl is attractive”, say “What STRAIGHT person thinks about girls this much? What straight person has to CONVINCE themself they’re not into girls?”

When you worry that finding guys attractive and dating them will make people think you look less bi, see here. And remind yourself bi MEANS multiple genders. You’re perfectly allowed to like and show interest in more than one gender, because you’re bi, not gay.

2. Follow bi affirmation and positivity blogs

3. Vent to a friend and get support and affirmation from them that you’re Really bi…preferably another bi friend.

So I’m a cis female and have identified as queer or bisexual for the past few years. The reason I sometimes don’t say bisexual is because I feel like the term bi implies an even split in attraction if that makes sense. I would say I’m like 80% attracted to women and then 20% attracted to men. Is there another term that means mostly attracted to members of the same gender but slightly attracted to members of a different gender? Or is this just my internalized biphobia?

Internalised biphobia. Bi definitely does NOT imply equal attraction or no preferences, equal attraction as a bi person is in fact rare, and you can say “Bi with a preference for women” to cover it.

hi there! I really need some advice. I’ve questioned my sexuality since always, when I was small I was very attracted to girls (im a girl) but never kissed or dated one. At about 18/19 I still felt attracted but started repressing it badly. I’ve been in the same monog relationship with a boy since I was 16 (im 22) and I love him, he was my first everything, I’m sure I’m attracted to boys and don’t feel the need to be with anyone else for now but I still feel attracted to girls, not as much (c)

© not as much tho i think bc I repressed it a lot when I was younger. But I feel like such a fraud. I really don’t know how I identify. I feel like the only thing that’s kept me from identifying as bi all these years is internalized biphobia but at the same time I feel like I don’t have the right to use the label since I’ve been in a relationship with a boy for most of my life. At the same time I don’t know how to start a conversation about this with my bf. I told my friend who is ©

© who is also bi about this the other day and she kind of brushed it off saying I’m probably feeling like this just because I’m very involved with the lgbt cause and feel like I wanna be a part of it. I’m scared I’m a fraud but at the same time… do straight girls experience all this repressing and all this confusion? How can I be sure of my identity? 🙁

Protip: many of us aren’t 100% sure of our identity, and it’s 100% okay to question or be confused…for days, weeks, months, years…it’s OKAY to not ever be CERTAIN. Internalised biphobia is probably causing this uncertainity, since you’ve repressed it for so long. But if you ask me, being attracted to girls, and also to guys? Very very very bi. Super bi. Amazingly, beautifully bi as hell. You have every right to use bi because…you’re obviously bi.

Also screw that friend, you’re definitely bi? You’re attracted to multiple genders, you like girls and guys, you don’t NEED to date other people to “prove” you’re bi to anyone! All that matters is that you’re attracted to more than one gender, which you are. Just because you’re with a guy and you’ve been with him for a long time doesn’t make you any less bi! Bi people who have only dated one gender are still bi! Seems like they’re being quite biphobic (bi people can also be biphobic, sadly, due to internalised biphobia) and I’d call them out on it. Tell them if they don’t accept you and believe you, then they can find a new friend. You’re definitely not a fraud.

And I’d just bring it up in whatever way feels comfortable to your boyfriend! Bring him to the side, tell him you wanna talk to him about something. Tell him, “I am bi”, let him ask questions and dispell any myths and misconceptions he has about bi people. Affirm to him you still love him and want to be with him, just that it’s important you’re open about your true self with him BECAUSE you love him and trust him.

Hey so. I’ve recently questioned my sexuality and I kind of felt that heterosexual bi-romantic might be what I am. I just need some advice and like, I feel like I’m “fake bi” or something, sorry for bad explaining but I need some outside view on this

The heterosexual bi-romantic person again here, so the thing is also that I haven’t been in love with girls before. I have been in love with boys but never really in girls, although I had a small crush on a girl a while ago and also am kind of having a crush on a girl now…

If that’s what you feel you are, that’s great and I’m happy you’ve found a label that works for you. Also, you don’t need to BE in love to know if you’re bi. You’ve been attracted to girls and boys, which includes multiple genders. Attraction is what’s important, not falling in love. So you’re absolutely bi-enough. You’re definitely not a fake bi just because your attractions to different genders might differ. 

hey !! i’ve spent a lot of time questioning my sexuality and this year i’ve finally come to terms that i’m bisexual. i’m more attracted to girls than boys (i’m a girl) and because of that i feel like i’m not valid enough, like all i see are posts that say “you probably have internalized homophobia and are actually lesbian” and then i start feeling like what if i am but then i have days when i’m really confident abt being bi and liking girls AND boys..,. i’m just So Tired

You’re really bi and you’re ALLOWED to have preferences or be attracted to one gender more when bi.

If my favourite ice cream flavour was mint choc chip, would that mean me liking chocolate too on occassion was invalid? Would it mean I couldn’t possibly ACTUALLY like chocolate because I like mint choc chip so much? No, I obviously still like all of the ice creams. I just have a preference, and that’s fine.

Bi doesn’t mean EQUAL attraction to the genders you like. Telling bi people they’re “actually gay” is biphobia, and you should ignore people like that. Affirmation and positivity blogs and supportive friends are what you should surround yourself with to counteract other people’s biphobia…and your own internalised biphobia n’ self doubt.

To all those dealing with some big internalised biphobia, I know you’ll pull through it. I hope you…

To all those dealing with some big internalised biphobia, I know you’ll pull through it. I hope you get the support and resources you need to help you through.

I’m pretty sure I’m bi but I’m scared I’m just trying to force this upon my self and also can I be bi if I’m only attracted to girls (I’m female) but never want to be in a relationship w girls? I can’t even tell if I want a relationship w a girl but if I don’t can I still be bi? Sorry if this is kinda confusing wording

You can be bi even if you don’t want to act on attraction to some genders. I think the idea that you’re maybe “forcing it” on yourself is internalised biphobia. Your attractions aren’t forced. You don’t choose who you’re attracted to.

Whilst it’s perfectly fine to choose to not date girls, I think it might be worth examining the reasons why you don’t want to? Have a further think about why exactly you don’t want a relationship with them, because it doesn’t sound like the reason is a lack of attraction. I think that might help you work out some of your internalised biphobia.

So I’m a 25 yo woman wondering if I count as bi + fluid. For 6 years as a kid I ID’ed as bi, I wanted to sleep with women and date them. Then when a girl I’d liked for a long time asked me or I realized I wished she was a guy. I ID’ed as straight after that. For the past few years I’ve been attracted to women but don’t want to sleep with them OR date them necessarily? Do I count? Even if I don’t want to act on my “gay” feelings?

I think if you feel the attraction is there and significant to you, and bi is the right label for you and you’re fluid in your identity, then you’re perfectly fine to go ahead and use bi. Your feelings absolutely count. You don’t have to “act” on anything to be a Real Bi.

But I think also it might be worth looking at whether you have some internalised biphobia/homophobia? I’m not saying this is necessarily the case but it’s possible. There are many reasons why someone may not want to act on attraction that’s there though, such as trauma and preferences. I just think it might be worth exploring that and questioning why exactly you feel this way, and what stops you from wanting to be with someone. There’s no harm in having a deeper think about why you feel this way.