Category: questioning

It means you’re bi

(Why do so so so many people think having preferences/liking one gender more makes being bi invalid? Come on guys, we all know that’s utter bullshit.)

If you’re into nb people and a binary gender that’s definitely bi! Bi just means 2 or more genders so like, that definitely fits under bi. It’s definitely not wrong to ID as bi even if you’re not 100% certain. And remember if it changes in the future it’s DEFINITELY okay to change labels! Stick with what feels good to you, what feels like it Might be right (and if you’ve felt those attractions to multiple genders then it probably is!)

It’s also ok to use a broad term like “queer”, ID as questioning, or simply say “I like X and X genders”. Whatever feels best to you.

Yeah, you don’t need any kind of experience to know you’re bi. If you think you might be, that’s enough. You don’t even need to be 100% certain. As long as you think you might be, and it feels right to use that label, go ahead. Also, the “I always knew” thing is bullshit. There’s loads of people who didn’t “always know”. Good for those who did, but that narrative isn’t a universal truth.

Not really. What kind of porn you watch usually doesn’t indicate sexual orientation. You’re possibly focusing on the woman’s pleasure, and perhaps seeing yourself in her place. That’s pretty normal. Straight women watch lesbian porn sometimes too and they’re no less straight. So I wouldn’t necessarily take porn as a good indicator of anything.

But if you think you’d be into dating/being with girls/other genders, or maybe you think you might felt have felt attraction to them, then you might be bi.

Yep, majority of bi people don’t have equal attraction to multiple genders and have preferences. It’s completely normal amongst bi people.

Here’s a secret…if you’ve been questioning for so long and keep coming back to the same label, bi? You’re probably NOT straight. If you feel a drive towards the term bi…you probably are. Sometimes just Feeling It is enough. You don’t actually have to have necessarily felt the attraction to know you’re bi. How? See this post.

Hmm…you’re kind of young, sure, so it IS possible that you haven’t found many people you’re into just yet. Sometimes the pool of fish you get born into just isn’t so promising.

There’s another possibility. If you find yourself attracted after you get to know someone, you could be demi, which is where an attraction to a person develops ONLY after an emotional bond has formed. Or alternatively, I can explain it as “attracted to personality”, where you find yourself attracted only after you’ve learnt more about what the person is like, rather than off first factors like appearance/voice/initial knowledge. So yeah, you could be aroace-spec (which means attraction to few or no people). 

As you find girls and guys cute, it’s possible you could be bi of course too!

There’s a possibility that might change in the future and you figure out more about your attractions, so if you do end up having some fluidity and deciding bi or another label works for you in the future, it’s perfectly okay to change labels, and it’s also perfectly okay to identify as questioning right now! 

You don’t need to assign a label if you don’t want to yet. I think taking some time to figure yourself out and not rushing to think about labels yet might be good for you. You can talk about your feelings and being questioning to your mother without needing to have a label in mind, and see what she thinks too.

You don’t need experience with any gender to “know” if you’re bi. But if you want to experiment, that’s absolutely fine? Just as long as you’re CLEAR to the other people you experiment with that it’s experimentation because you’re questioning, just so they don’t get the wrong idea.

Also here’s a hint: there’s a lot of people who aren’t 100% sure of their orientation. You don’t have to always be 100% certain. But since you said “I’m SURE I’m attracted”, then it’s highly likely you’re bi. Being bi just requires the attraction. Even if you find out you prefer one gender over another or you didn’t enjoy dating/sex, the attraction is still there so you’d still be perfectly fine to claim bi.

Come out when you’re ready too. No one should have to come out if they’re not ready to.

Sounds like a good fit to me! I think bi ace-spec would work, since it seems clear that you’re attracted to people of more than one gender.


Page 97!!  Happy Pride Month!!